If I had a dollar for every second I thought of my ex-girlfriend these past 3 weeks, I'd be living on an island with a speed boat and a helipad, with my very own batcave and a buttler named Alfred.

Life really sucks when choices and freedom is taken from you. But instead you have to compromise yourself in order to make someone else's life easier. Then you realize that you are still very much in love with them and the most painful revelation....you have to stop. Just like that. *SNIP* stop loving them. ANd that feeling. God....that feeling tears me apart like no other. But I must move on. I must immerse myself in the creativity that boils inside me. I must make music, I must create artwork. I must regain the simple life I led before this beautiful, BEAUTIFUL thing happened to me. And just like it happened and passed, it is now gone. Too fast, too soon. And I will never, EVER forget the way it feels to be in Katie's arms and to feel loved and cared for and knowing that you can return the same without being pushed down. I can never stop embracing that, and somehow, I can never let go of how special she was.

Isn't it a kicker when you are forced to stop thinking someone is special just because you have to? I mean my heart is beating outside my fuckin rib cage. I am off the charts with this stress and depression. And I add onto hers.

I need to fuckin stop this. I need to evaluate myself and let my mind concentrate on life. Maybe a few months down the road, I will hold her again and tell her I love her. I still do. It just doesn't matter...... and that hurts.